Wednesday 5 December 2012

Editing Exercise - Again!

1. The first place I went was to Mr. Herb's but to my surprise when I opened the front door his house was empty.

The first place I went was to Mr. Herb’s but to my surprise, when I opened the front door, his house was empty.

2. I paused thinking of some kind of little fib to make it more fun then what it actually was

I paused, thinking of some kind of little fib to make it more fun then what it actually was

3. “This is how it went” said Josh

“This is how it went” said Josh.

4. Mr. Clean house was an ugly yellow color.

Mr. Clean ‘s house was an ugly yellow color.

5. A silly lion wouldn't defeat me but I’m not going to risk waking a lion and hurting him.

A silly lion wouldn't defeat me, but I'm not going to risk waking a lion and hurting him.

6. The tree in the back yard stood so tall, within the tree was the tree house not just any tree house, it was a magic tree house.

The tree in the backyard stood so tall, within the tree was not just any tree house, it was a magic tree house.

7. Its not that big, but its yellow with a blue roof.

It’s not that big, but its yellow with a blue roof.

8. No wonder he is in the old folk’s home, he shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

No wonder he is in the old folk’s home, he shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

9. It was shinny, I thought it was something I lost in the tree when I was playing astronaut a few days ago.

It was shiny, I thought it was something I lost in the tree when I was playing astronaut a few days ago.

10. She took her paper out and started to role it up so I went on the run again.

She took her paper out and started to role it up, so I went on the run again.

11. So to save time we jumped the fence, not knowing that our neighbour was mowin the lawn we ran out in front of the strip he was mowing, that must of made him mad because he chased up quite a ways up the road.

So to save time, we jumped the fence, not knowing that our neighbour was mowing the lawn. We ran out in front of the strip he was mowing, that must of made him mad because he chased us quite a way up the road.

12. My dad seen me and said “I’m going to count to three if you don't get off the top of that car you are grounded for a week!".

My dad seen me and said “I’m going to count to three, if you don’t get off the top of that car you are grounded for a week!”

13. But I didn’t see anything scary I just seen a cute little puppy, the puppy had his collar caught on a branch.

I didn’t see anything scary, I just seen a cute little puppy. The puppy had his collar caught on a branch.

14. Jonah knew it was getting at least three o’clock and he needed to come home soon because he grandparents could already be worried sick.

Jonah knew it was almost three o’clock, and he needed to come home soon because his grandparents could already be worried sick.

15. I let out a little yell when it turned on and he let out a chuckle and said in his friendly voice “Hey, Sorry if I startled ya!”

I let out a little yell when it turned on and he let out a chuckle and said in his friendly voice “Hey, sorry if I startled ya!”

16. The world is such a sick and twisted place now, it’s not safe for children to go out by themselves when there’s maniacs such as rapists, murderers, etc. on the loose.

The world is such a sick and twisted place now, it’s not safe for children to go out by themselves when there’s maniacs such as rapists, murders and etc. on the loose.

17. There is a maze and you must pass through at least five courses to have finished the maze.

There is a maze and you must pass through at least five courses to finish the maze.

18. later on that day I dicided to go for a little hunt back in the woods to see if I could get any birds or if I could spot a deer.

Later on that day, I decided to go for a little hunt back in the woods to see if I could get any birds or if I could spot a deer.

Time capsule

In the time capsule I would put…

Baby doll
I got a baby doll when I was around 4-5 and when you’re a kid you play with your toys constantly, and this toy was a big part of my childhood. Today, not many kids even play with toys, especially baby dolls, so adding this to the time capsule would be interesting for children to see what someone their age played with as a child.

A picture of the landscape from where I live
Having a picture of what everything looks like from where I live could be interesting because forests could become sparse and houses or yards will most likely be completely different in the future.

A record player w/ record
Putting a record in the time capsule would be interesting because records are already going out of style and have been for a while after iPod’s, CD’s and other ways of listening to music have been invented, and in the future, those things will most likely be a rarely used item.

Music from 2012 on a usb and some of my favourite music
I would put music in because music changes a lot over time and having people compare the music from 2012 to music of 2112 because they might not know of some artists that were out in 2012.

Pictures on the usb
I would have pictures on the usb as well so they could see what my family, friends and I looked like, because fashion and styles will definitely change in 100 years.


Hello people of 2112! My name is Kelsey, and I am 15 years old in the year 2012. I live with my mother and 2 cats in a small house.

I bet things in 2112 are completely different then how they are in 2012. Your music, education, fashion, and basically everything will have some sort of change compared to my time. Music will probably be so different since the artists I have in my time passed away by now, but genre’s will most likely be similar and you will have many more! My favourite genre is indie or alternative. I’m sure that the technology is highly advanced compared to our newly used touch screen products. I want you to spend as much time as you can with family or friends and not rely completely on technology. Landscape also must have changed greatly over time and hopefully is being taken care of, and if not you, please start because having my relatives and yours being healthy and alive is important. Continue t be kind to everyone and greet everyone nicely like we do today, and enjoy life to the fullest!

Good luck, sincerely Kelsey Keenan.